Listening to our inner critic

Listening to our inner critic Michael is a bright and sensitive man in his 30s. He is the youngest of four siblings and grew up in what, from the outside, seemed like a happy and stable home. In many ways it was indeed happy, but Michael always felt like an after-thought to his parents. He […]

Santiago Delboy Psychotherapy

What is it like to be in a fishbowl?

What is it like to be in a fishbowl? Imagine you are sitting in a circle with eight strangers at a conference. You are silent, perhaps exchanging nervous glances with other members of a group that a minute ago didn’t exist. The group leader is someone you may have heard about or know personally, but […]

National Organizations to Support

National Organizations to Support I compiled a list of 60 organizations dealing with social issues across 12 categories. My hope is that this is a helpful resource for those who want to support issues, causes, or populations they care about. While I support some of these organizations, I am not affiliated with any of them. This compilation is not perfect, […]

Navigating the Relationship Journey

Navigating the Relationship Journey Just to state the obvious, relationships are not easy. While we are “wired” to be in relationships and they can be a source of connection, fulfillment, and growth, they are often times filled with challenges and difficulties. I want to share a few things I have observed through my work as […]

Santiago Delboy Psychotherapy

Trauma is an Experience, Not an Event

Trauma is an Experience, Not an Event It seems like “trauma” has become one of those household terms everyone talks about. I took a look at the number of average monthly Google searches for “trauma” in the U.S., and found that it has grown 22% in only one year. As with other terms that became mainstream (for instance “addiction” or “narcissism”), […]

Santiago Delboy Psychotherapy

Addiction, Relationships, and Attachment

Addiction, Relationships, and Attachment A friend of mine sent me an article a few days ago about the origins of addiction. The author cites research suggesting that addiction is not so much defined by changes in the brain, but is an attempt to adapt to our social environment. He concludes that “the opposite of addiction is not sobriety. […]

Santiago Delboy Psychotherapy

Relationship Endings and Behavioral Economics

Relationship Endings and Behavioral Economics A long time ago I became interested in the intersection of economics and psychology. A few years later, I was delighted to hear that the 2002 Nobel Prize of Economics was awarded to a psychologist, Daniel Kahneman. He is one of the founders of Behavioral Economics, which studies the ways consumers make […]

Santiago Delboy Psychotherapy

Trauma and the Brain

Trauma and the Brain In this presentation I describe and explain some of effects that trauma has on our brain, specifically in terms of the dissociative process and our ability to seek out help to deal with the intense emotions triggered by traumatic memories. To read more about trauma, please go to here. The presentation has […]

Santiago Delboy Psychotherapy

Addictions: Attachment, 12-steps, and Group Therapy

Addictions: Attachment, 12-steps, and Group Therapy Below is a chapter I wrote for a book published in 2016, comprised of papers presented at a symposium of the International Association of Social Work with Groups. In this chapter I explain how addiction can be understood as an attachment disorder, and discuss the differences, similarities, and complementarity of […]

Santiago Delboy Psychotherapy

Sex Addiction Clinical Example

Sex Addiction Clinical Example Below is an article I published in 2015 in the Journal of Sexual Addiction and Compulsivity. In that paper, I present a disguised example based on a former patient who identified as a sex addict. This article can be helpful to understand some factors underlying sex addiction, the impact on the patient’s life, and possible […]

Santiago Delboy Psychotherapy

What Have Others Read? A Psychoanalytic Bibliography

What Have Others Read? A Psychoanalytic Bibliography Introduction In December 2016 I submitted a query to multiple professional organizations, social media, and personal and professional contacts. I asked clinicians for their choices of the Top 3 psychoanalytic articles, papers, or books. A total of 135 people contributed 269 references. 112 contributors are based in the […]

Santiago Delboy Psychotherapy

The Importance of the Therapist’s Attachment Style

The Importance of the Therapist's Attachment Style I believe attachment theory provides a fundamental framework to understand the issues our clients bring to therapy. In 2015, I attended a lecture by David Wallin, author of “Attachment in Psychotherapy.” He emphasized the importance for therapists to be aware of their own attachment style, and how that might impact the therapeutic […]

Santiago Delboy Psychotherapy

On Becoming a U.S. Citizen

On Becoming a U.S. Citizen I received my U.S. passport a few days ago, 5 weeks after I attended the citizenship oath ceremony, 6 months after I submitted the initial paperwork, and 10 years after I moved from Peru, where I grew up. I came to the U.S. under privileged circumstances, in order to pursue my first masters degree. I […]

Santiago Delboy Psychotherapy

Infidelity as a growth opportunity

Infidelity as a growth opportunity I watched a TED talk by therapist and author Esther Perel this afternoon about infidelity. I read her book “Mating in Captivity” some time ago, and since then I have paid attention to what she has to say. This TED talk felt like a constant stream of provocative and insightful ideas: we tend […]

Santiago Delboy Psychotherapy

Language and Psychotherapy

Language and Psychotherapy I am a originally from Peru and moved to the U.S. in my early 30s to attend graduate school. In this article I want to share about the role of language in my personal journey, and the challenge created by the words that lack a precise translation between English and Spanish. I believe there are […]

Santiago Delboy Psychotherapy

Clients, Patients, Consumers: What’s in a Word?

Clients, Patients, Consumers: What's in a Word? About a month ago, in a study group I attend every other week, we talked briefly about using the word “patient” to refer to the people we see in psychotherapy. This was a big no-no in grad school, where I studied social work. The word we should use, we were told, is “client.” […]